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05 September 2007

An Aspiring SAHM

SAHM... Stay At Home Mom

This is my dream.

Since i was in senior high school, i've always believed that my dream is to be a mom and a wife to my then-boyfriend; now my husband. Though i had big plans of finishing college and working in a multinational company (which i was able to fulfill).

I was able to finish Psychology major in Human Resources from AC, a school which i TERRIBLY miss. I worked for an ad agency right after college, got into a life-changing car accident, and veered to pursue a job more in line with my degree.

So here i am, working as a Talent Acquisition Associate, simply put, i interview people and assess their qualifications. I work for a BPO company based in Market! Market!, Ambergris Solutions, soon to be TELUS Philippines. Basically, i interview people who want to work in a call center. On a daily basis, when i have an assistant, i interview 8 people. Then i coordinate with the Operations and Training departments. It may sound simple, but it's really stressful. A day in the office deserves its own post.

Now, that i have my own little family and a career (?), i still want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. But i'm not really sure if i have the privilege to choose.

Sure, my husband suports whatever decision i make. He trusts me to decide on things, no matter how small or big. That's one of the many reasons why i love him so much. But it's me who's contradicting myself.

There are days when i'm decided to submit my resignation letter. There are days when i chicken out.

Once i resign, i know i have to say goodbye to my Mangos, TopShops, Zaras, Levis, Toni&Guys, Havaianas, perfumes, regular Starbucks. A lot of things to say goodbye to, and i think i'm ready for it. Thing is, we have a lot of dreams for Monica. And i know, it's impossible for us to fulfill those if i would just stay at home.

Plus, I'm not sure if i can take it that i will just be staying at home while my husband is working his a** off overseas. His job in the ship is no joke and everytime he tells me what he does, my heart crumbles. I sometimes wish i were in his position. I'm too maawain when it comes to my husband. Ever since we got together, i always had this tendency to "baby" him. But of course, i don't make it too obvious. He might think i'm his mother! Every guy hates that, right?

I guess that only shows that i'm very motherly.

I feel guilty for having to stay at home even if i know that it's hard being a mother.
So there, just venting out my aspirations which i hope would not turn into frustrations.

1 comment:

dharmadreams said...

Being a SAHM, I will try not to be biased.

Lil, weigh your options. List down the pros and cons and decide from there. I can only imagine the emotional and physical stress you are undergoing as a working breastfeeding mum. Do not forget there are probably millions of other women in your shoes (w the high need baby, maybe only a fraction of a that)

And here comes the biased me: Darling, no amount of money will ever replace the time spent with your baby. Also, do not think that a mother's job is any less than any man's job. A mother's job is 24/7 whereas a man's job stops when he checks out. ;)

Whatever you decide, I will support and respect.