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11 September 2007

Struggles of a Working Breastfeeding Mother

Monday, first day of the week.

I decided to leave Monica at home since I'd be seeing her at 4pm. She was sleeping when i left but i was told she woke up right after. (Maybe she sensed it?)

I saw her 430pm and i immediately breastfed her and talked to her. I missed her so much to think i was only away for 3 hours. I was totally uneasy the whole time we weren't together. So we went to her pedia to accompany my new niece. The whole time, Monica was just looking at me and talking. And my heart just melts!

So I had to go back to the office at 530pm and i couldn't bear having her look at me while i was walking away. I felt like i was turning my back on my baby. But if i made her look at the other direction, maybe she'd wonder once she realizes i'm no longer arond?!

After a few hours, my mom started nagging me about how Monica would refuse the bottle. They even tried using the medicine dropper as what was suggested by a lot of baby and parenting websites, but she just won't accept it. Maybe she's fixated on my breast? That even if she'll get full with the milk thru the dropper, she wants something to latch on for comfort?

My breastfeeding sister even tried to feed Monica. (The thought is eew, right?!) Monica just looked at her, studying her face and started crying even more. My baby finally slept probably from too much crying, her eyes got tired.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to but I can't just leave my job. I'm afraid my baby's developing trauma or maybe anger, or maybe frustration. Especially that i totally disagree with the cry-it-out method.

I'm currently clueless and frustrated.

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