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07 November 2009

Principles VS Aspirations

Title is inspired from one of my recent Facebook updates.



A little over a year ago, I was working for a BPO industry as told here.

When I gave birth to Monica, I dreaded the fact of going back to work, remember this?

Once I went back to work, I took om some new challenges.

Not long after, the guilt and desire of being SAHM, haunted me every single day. Day in, Day out.


SO with those links, it's really obvious how I got frustrated and depressed every single day of working--leaving my baby at home.

It wasn't a surprise that I finally did this.


In the office. I had to bring 3-month old Monica with me in the office just so I can feed her. She is a high-need baby--look it up. I had to wear tube tops in the office for easy feeding. Of course I'd wear something on top during interviews. Hahaha. I would go to work 12nn and go home 12-14 hours after. Come to think of it, was I a workaholic or self-imposed slave?

I was so firm with:
*** raising my own kids
*** spend as much time as I can with my kids
*** attachment parenting
*** breastfeeding

And I still am. But somehow I forgot about it.
Maybe because
*** I've been spending too much time with my kids.
*** I still can't think of a business
*** dear husband and I have been to engrossed in owning our own home right away.
*** I know that once I go back to work, I can have a lot of time for myself even after work hours
*** I've been lemming on a lot of stuff.


BUT don't get me wrong. Whenever I think about going back to work,
>>> I get goosebumps, literally.
>>> I get racing heartbeats.
>>> Cold sweat, i swear!
>>> I get really dizzy over thinking about a lot of stuff. Pros and Cons. SWOT analysis as you may call it.

I never end up with a decision because I think too much. My thoughts get all tangled up.

Right now, I guess I had to just go back to my "roots". I had to read my previous posts just so I won't go astray with what I really want

and

what i was built for. A mom. A stay at home mom.

I don't think I will ever be ready to replace this
over money. I've said that before in one of my posts.

Oh yes, Money can really be so blinding.

Plan B:
Think of a creative business idea FAST!!

I love my kids. Period.

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